leslie nikole
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This is officially my fifth week of school. It doesn't feel like it, but the semester and the year sure are flying by. Sure I've been busy, but it definitely doesn't feel like October is just around the corner. I’m feeling it again. I just finished paying my tuition and I’m feeling it again. That “I don’t want to do this.” That “I’d rather pull my eyelashes out.” Maybe I need more friends to drag me places. I mean, I like my classes, I’m just…I don’t know. I don’t know and it’s making me nervous and I don’t think I’m depressed I just…I’m just having a really hard time focusing on any of this stuff and getting out of bed in the morning. It just feels like wishing for a better tomorrow is hopeless.

I don't know how I feel about this semester. After being out of school for a year and then making the same mistake of going to New York right before the semester's start like I did last year, the last month has definitely been more turbulent than it should have been. No amount of colour coding or Japanese paper could have prepped me for this.

I know I'm only a third into the semester, and I really should only be worried when the midterm comes up (which is two and a half weeks away), but isn't it too late at that point? I'd rather realize that I'm stalling now when I still have almost three weeks to turn my grade around. With only five classes, I definitely shouldn't be sashaying near the probation level. It seems ridiculous, but Nursing school was definitely easier than this. Remember when I was a little douche and thought I’d have all this free time to lolly gag? Pah, forget that! I don’t know who sowed that seed in my head, but wow I shouldn’t have listened to that.

In the five classes I have, I’m only sure that I’m getting somewhere between an A to a B+ in one of them. I’m barely passing German and Spanish (we’ve only done a few tests and a little homework, not counting for major marks) from the looks of it, and I’m only going to get this one chance to redeem myself before the midterm with this in-class English essay tomorrow. My computer communication class is an up in the air, but I’m pretty sure that one is an easy A to B+ too. I remember when I used to think that predicted homework times were such crap, but I now realize that I definitely should be spending at least two hours a night practicing/doing homework. Before getting into bed I’m going to have to make some sort of study schedule so I can get my school life back together before I drop the ball completely.

Having support has been a huge plus though. Practicing German at work and even a few customers (who seemed like they wanted to teach me everything) has definitely boosted my confidence. Spanish is still a jumble, and this test on reflexive verbs that I've got tomorrow definitely doesn't help. I feel like I may be over complicating it, but the lack of direction I'm getting prevents me from letting it go. Hopefully I'll get over it soon.

Oh, Russian producer Karman Verdi (née Oleg Gabisov) recently followed me on Twitter which led me to this track that I've been looping in order to relax. Definitely the kind of Soundcloud gold that would've been nice to stumble upon when I was still doing my music blog!

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